Diario de MsWahine

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01 enero 2010

It's apparent how UNACCUSTOMED I am to writing about wonderful things since I completely forgot to do it yesterday. So these are my 5 for 12/31/09. Tonight I shall write my 5 for today!

5 Wonderful Things:
- Finishing what you set out to do
- Carmel chocolate cookies
- A best friend, through thick & thin
- The smell of freshly washed babygirl curls
- The warm, small body of a wee one pressed against me in the night

(6 comentarios)

31 diciembre 2009

Crazy flippin' day in the office finishing 11 life insurance applications, 2 employees out, and two nearly-3-year-olds running around fighting about "Mine! No mine! No MINE!" Oy vey. But we're done. 2009 is finished. And I am so, so glad. It's not the time I am glad to see gone; it's the mistakes and difficulties. And, just like the scale, it's only a number - 2010 is a number not a representation of what will be. But there is the power of that kind of symbolism - of endings and beginnings. There is hope in a beginning. Endings are, well, the end of something.

The next time I walk into my office, it will be 2010, the beginning of a new calendar year, new goals, new achievements. In my business, the slate literally gets wiped clean. You start all over again. There is an optimism in that. Whether or not I make something of it is another thing entirely.

I am beat. Just tired tired tired. The yergh in my chest has loosened a bit and I didn't cough quite so much last night as I went to sleep. I was afraid it was going toward pneumonia, something I fear given my poor, scarred lungs' history. My lungs are the first part of my body to betray me when I've done too much, taken myself too far. And, consequently, the first thing to prevent me from a "proper" exercise regime. I get going, full bore, and then I get sick. The past 2 years has seen that happen more times than I can count on both hands. So I am necessarily having to learn a new definition around what "exercise" and "activity" mean. Retraining my gray matter and body to accept new definitions for long-term and hopefully permanent weight loss & health will require this sort of revision. Otherwise I will continue to be stuck in the same place.

Happy New Year, FatSecreters! And a bit of English 19th century poesy to greet 2010:

"And ye, who have met with Adversity's blast,
And been bow'd to the earth by its fury;
To whom the Twelve Months, that have recently pass'd
Were as harsh as a prejudiced jury -
Still, fill to the Future! and join in our chime,
The regrets of remembrance to cozen,
And having obtained a New Trial of Time,
Shout in hopes of a kindlier dozen."
~Thomas Hood

FOOD TIMING:
Bed time: 12:00
Wake time: 7:15

8:50 - 4:00 - green tea
10:30 - white mocha
11:00 - 4:00 - snacks (edamame & choc cookies)
4:45 - Dinner
6:00 - 9:30 - peppermint/green tea
9:30 - nuts

I brought fresh edamame with me to the office to make sure I had something to snack on throughout the day, but I expected to leave at 1:30, not 4:00, which put a HUGE wrench in my day because I was supposed to go to lunch with my friend Nic. As a result lunch got side-tracked completely until nearly 5:00. I was hungry at all after eating, but at 9:30 I began feeling a little nauseous so I ate some nuts. Bad day for eating, timing & liquids. I kind of expected it, but not to the degree that it happened. Glad I had the edamame with me. Need more fiber options. Looked up some foods on-line: artichokes and raspberries had shocking amounts of fiber, I had no idea.

(2 comentarios)

30 diciembre 2009

Despite my late night FatSecret meanderings, I was awake by 7:00 and out of bed by 7:20 so I could get out of the house by 8:20. Which I managed, amazingly. And which was also quite portentious considering one of my employees called in sick this morning at 8:15. So I was 2 people down in the office today. I sat at the front desk and all my clients who came in were shocked to see me there instead of holed away in my office in the back. "How nice to see you!", "I haven't seen you in so long!", "I'm so glad we got the chance to catch up!" It was exactly the reinforcement necessary for me to realize that the adjustments I need to make in my office are possible. 2010 is going to be a year brimming with change, little of it easy. But emergency situations are never terribly easy.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2009. I will not be looking back on this year fondly. I know the lumps I took are all part & parcel of my particular flavor of "life," but I gotta say I'm not much of a fan for these particular flavors. I have a ton of applications I have to get processed before close of business tomorrow afternoon. And then, ah yes, then my year will be done. And then in a week and a half I will be flying off to Hawaii for a month. I can hardly believe it.

I don't know what awaits me during that time. I don't know what will happen when I return home. Just my daughter and I, no husband. I am leaving it undefined. Anything can happen between now and leaving. Anything can happen between leaving and returning.

Day by day.

FOOD TIMING:
Bed time: Tried 10:20, but coughing kept me up til 2:30
Wake time: 7:20

8:30 - 11: 40 - green tea
11:40 - coffee/scone
12:00 - 5:00 - green tea
3:40 - lunch
6:00 - 8:00 hot water
8:00 - dinner
8:30 - 11:00 - decaf green tea
10:30 - Theraflu

Ate late all day. Wasn't hungry but ate anyway. Am shocked at how little fiber all the vegetables I ate have. Dinner: 1 1/2 c. spinach, 1/2 bell pepper, 1/4 onion & 3 mushrooms had less than 5g fiber. Cut back a little on the green tea in the afternoon because of caffeine and had no decaf at the office. Don't want another impossible sleep night tonight. Theraflu is kicking in, though, eyelids are drowsing. Tomorrow will be another early day at the office.

(1 comentario)

30 diciembre 2009

It is 1:15A. I was in bed at 10:30 trying to get some sleep and just kept coughing. I am out of NyQuil. I just downed a jigger of Dewar's Whiskey and spit half of it all over the counter because I've not done a shot like that since college. Holy Crapoly. It burned my throat and has made me a little drowsy, but my cough won't let up when I lay down. I can keep it at bay when I sit up. So I'm sitting here in the extra bedroom typing, wearing a pair of too-small Sylvester the Cat slippers that I found in my daughter's closet, a blanket over my shoulders, drinking peppermint tea.

I was reading people's journals, but it was making me feel like one of the Brontë sisters about my journal entries. Perhaps it's just a reaction to the effects of Dewar's or lack of sleep or perhaps lack of oxygen from hacking up lung pieces. Ah well. Here's a little Emily Brontë poesy to fit the mood:

"Where wilt thou go, my harassed heart--
What thought, what scene invites thee now?
What spot, or near or far apart,
Has rest for thee, my weary brow?"

Good night, FatSecret! Please keep my secrets until the morrow...

(3 comentarios)

30 diciembre 2009

Down 2 lbs this morning. Wednesday has become my regular weigh-in day. So I actually lost weight even with the holidays, which is a nice feeling. I was still able to indulge in the things I wanted, but timing my food (specifically carb intake) to certain times of the day seems to have made a difference, more than I would have expected. I have cut my caloric intake as well, but because I wasn't tracking food on FS prior to December, I'm not totally positive what I was eating before. It's certain, though, that it wasn't pretty.

I'm happy about this loss, though - it just barely put me under 240, my first mini-goal. Yahooty!

Peso:	Disminuído hasta ahora:	Aún para ir:	Dieta seguida:
108,8 kg	3,0 kg	38,5 kg	Bien

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