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12 diciembre 2011

Last year it happened around this time, and it is happening again this year. I lose all my damn determination. I swore this year would be different - its not.

I am pretty sure I know why it happens, and its not just the holidays, my birthday is this month, my best guy friends birthday is a week later, and then comes Christmas and a week later new years and my nieces birthday and the anniversary of my friends death.

I know these are excuses and crap ones at that. there is no reason I cannot stay on track - this year is better because I work in my own office in the middle of a gross dirty shop so there are no chocolates or goodies or any of the above sitting on my desk in front of me. There are also no people bringing me things, and when they do its coffee - BLACK coffee which is compeltely acceptable so I never say anything.

Now I am not going to beat myself up over it, thats counter productive. Instead I have decided I will just do my best, and I will also make myself challenge myself, not with movement on the scale, or calories eaten, or work outs (hell this month my work outs have included, washing walls, climbing ladders, scrubbing floors and moving boxes.) No instead I am going to challenge myself to over come my mental obsticals - all of which I am sure are holding me back. They hold me back in everyday life and they are not fun.

I may be posting completely random things BUT they are things I want to accomplish between now and January 3rd, at which time I will re-evaluate the things I am doing. I am hoping that the mental break will keep my mind off of the weight issue and will help me build my confidence back up to where it should be, and maybe then my weight will drop off, I have a feeling that I am just trying to hard (which sounds silly but I cant think of a nother way to explain it.) I just know I am tired of being fat... so tired that I am ready to resort to cutting an arm and/or a leg off - not really.

(5 comentarios)

06 diciembre 2011

I posted this over on MFP... so for any of my buddies that are over there you can ignore this..

I have not stepped on the scale in almost a month, actually its been 27 days. I have no idea if I am up, or if I am down or where I am. I decided not to step on the scale while doing the JM 30 day shred, but I haven't done that since last week. I feel like a fake.

Here are the reasons why I have not done JM shred since last week:

1. knee pain - I used to play baseball, I used to be the back catcher, I screwed my knees up pretty good (the tendon in both my knees rubs the bone wrong and I get pretty nasty bone chips if I am not careful) and now any time I do lunges, squats or the like it kills me, so listening to my body is the key, I will continue to do it but the 30 day shred will take me a whole lot longer than just 30 days.

2. I have to pack and clean an entire house (5 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, a laundry room, a kitchen, 1 bathroom - the second one is tore apart. I have one brother that still lives with me but he works 10 hour nights in a metal manfuacturing plant so asking him to help is generally out of the question, my other 2 room mates that just moved out will be of no help because they are "busy".

3. I have have a nasty case of the fuck-its (I like that better than a case of depression). It happens every year, this year is worse as my niece just moved out after having her live with me for 4 years.

I have not weighed myself in 27 days because I got tired of seeing 206.6 on the damn scale. This week I lowered my calorie goal to 1200, we will see how I do with that. For now the plan is to NOT eat back my exercise calories (please do not flame me, I have talked to my Dr. he has said to try it and see, but being as I have the slowest metabolism on earth, and a thyroid issue I could be eating way to many calories), if I am hungry I will obviously eat back some of them - if not all.

There are lots more reasons I am sure but honestly I am not going to rack my brain coming up with them.. these feel like I am making excuses for myself, I do not like making excuses,

Between now and January 3rd my life is quite hectic, I have 3 birthdays (one of which is my own, my best friends and my nieces), there is Christmas, and new years, and a whole lot of moving and packing and cleaning happening. My time at the gym will be short and sweet if there is time for the gym, I am hoping to off set the missing gym link with cleaning, it will not be light cleaning as it is washing walls, carpets, floors and moving things. I probably will not step on the scale until January 13th. It will give me time to get back to normal and into my new house.

I would like to look my best in June as my brother is graduating and I have dreaded family pictures, when I started losing weight I wanted to be at my goal by then - I know this will never happen but I would like to at least be down 20 pounds... if its possible I doubt it but a loss in inches would make me extremely happy too.

(7 comentarios)

28 noviembre 2011

Ok, so the house is officially ours. The sold sign went up on Friday, and I know this because I drove by the house. Which sounds like I am totally stalking the people but I promise I am not, they live 2 blocks from where I am now so I do drive by there to go to the gym, and to go see a friend of mine. There were boxes in the front room as well - which is exciting.

I started JM's 30 day shred last week on Wed. I have done day 1 and 2... I took fri, sat, sun off as I was pretty sore but back at it tonight. In one 20 minute work out I burn upwards to 300 calories - I feel great after doing it but I do swear at her every step of the way lol.

I don't have much else to say, hope you all had fantastic thanksgivings if you were celebrating, if not I hope you had a fantastic weekend!

(6 comentarios)

22 noviembre 2011

If you are on my FB friends list chances are you have already heard/seen the news that was posted late yesterday afternoon.

I left work and it was a great day, and by great I mean, I got to do arts and crafts for majority of my afternoon - they were work related and my boss was helping but it was a nice break from techincal reports, and back checking. I was in a good mood, picked my niece up from her afterschool program to go to baton and we were laughing and singing and acting like dorks in the car. We got to the dance place, went inside waited on the elevator (because the stairs give me virtego and I almost always fall down them - they are a horrible dark and light brown check pattern and everything runs together). We got on the Elevator and my phone rang.. My hands were full and I looked at my niece and went "SHIT!!" she thought we had to go back out so she turns to go back out the door and I am like "no no, my phone.. get my phone out of my purse and answer it, its mama." She looked at me and goes. "um ok crazy lady." She did it and gave me the phone, all my mom said was "I regret to inform you..." and my heart sank as she paused and then she continued with " that the sold sign will be going up on the house with in the next couple of days." I obviously called her an asshole, and then did a dance and jumped up and down in the elevator. Which was a terrible idea as I somehow tweaked a muscle in my neck/spine area so today I am a bit sore.

We get the keys on January 1st, which means a brand new year and a brand new start.

I talked to my brother and his gf yesterday they were telling me our current landlords are pissed because him and his gf didn't give 30 days notice, and I looked at him and said "Why would you? Half of us were staying here." and he got a perplexed look on his face and I said "well we are staying until January 1, we just bought a house and we don't get possession until Jan 1. So I will give notice on the first of Dec." He was happy for us and said it was about time. His girlfriend on the other hand said and I quote "You bought a house? How can you possibly afford to buy a house?" I looked at her and said "exactly the same way I can afford a newer truck, and to pay rent. I work damn hard for my money, I have a budget, and I also am almost 30 years old, it is time I kind of grew up a bit." and then they asked where we would be living, I told them where it is (like 2 blocks from where I am right now) and then she said "Oh you must have paid a lot for it, houses in this area aren't cheap, and if they are they need a lot of work." I said "not a lot, no more than I would have spent a couple of years ago (which translates to 258K0" and she goes "oh must need a lot of work" I said "no, move in ready actually, don't need to do anything at all." Her face just dropped.

I know why she was upset, they had a hard time even getting an apt. they went to the bank for a house loan and found out how terrible my brothers credit is - mine was actually clear and on the mend. I also found some really great info out before we signed out papers, the girl we got our line of credit through told us that because We (My brother Cordee and I)never changed our home address from my moms address our credit rating is stellar because we lived at the same address for 29 and 26 years - even though we were both out on our own since we were 17 and 18 years old, we just never changed the address because it was so much easier to have everything go to moms address rather than losing important mail if we moved. So let this be a lesson to anyone who is looking at a big purchase - less moving = better credit rating as it shows stability in your life.

Thats really about it, I do have pics of the house but they are full of the current owners possessions, they are on my FB if you would like to see them - they are not all the rooms but they are the ones that were on the realestate website.

(19 comentarios)

18 noviembre 2011

Ahh Snow... and cold... welcome back... now go away I never missed you.

It is cold this morning when I got up to shovel (for the 3rd time in less than 24 hours) it was -17C (1F) but with the windchill it is -29C (-20F). I dragged my ass outta bed at 4:30AM and got to work, it took me 43 minutes to do, its not a pretty job but it was done. The temp has come up about 1 degree so yeah... NOT WARM!!! I am freezing and cannot get warm at all. My office isn't horribly cold but my lord my hands are cold!

As for my house saga... lets see, the couple accepted our offer and now we are just waiting on the mortgage broker to get back to us, she has until Wed the 23rd, I am trying hard not to get my hopes up but its not working real well I keep using IF when talking to the few people who know what is going on. I really just want it all over with so that I can tell everyone what is going on, not good with big exciting secrets lol.

Thats really all the news I have for today, other than I am freezing my ass off, and I cannot get warm no matter what I do. :(

(3 comentarios)

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