Diario de Berry Well 42

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21 julio 2024

Today was just messy when it came to food. I just wanted to have fun because its come to the last days we can stay in our current place. There was a flood a few months back at the end of winter due to pipes bursting and it's slowly caving in from the back rooms. It rains in that room as well. The people who live on the other floors have the same problem. It's full of black mold and rust. Thankfully we could section it off up until now. My hubs has had problems getting a job so we are at the end of our saving. We also found out the building is in forclosure and that's why we couldn't reach the land lords.

I feel a bit stressed but thankful that we have somewhere to go. There is a cat and two dogs so I hope we can all get along. It will be my son's first time around pets so he's excited. I love other people's pets. Where I used to work there was a rotwieler named Missy I was crazy about. Just a sweet girl. I know it may take the animals a bit to warm up so no stress. My hubs been over there before and he said the animals are friendly and tame.

I look forward to starting over fresh with no more weight on our shoulders. The building belonged to his mother and father(who had passed) and we lived with his mom until she passed. We were supposed to gain ownership but the other children bogged everything down in court. The building was in disrepair way before and we wanted to save it. This did not happen. Happy to wash our hand of the whole situation.

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20 julio 2024

I'm doing bad with salt right now. I can't wait to get my money soon so I can buy some fresh meat and veggies or even frozen ones that have no seasoning. I'll get better. Especially if I want to ditch the water pill.

I wonder at times if I need so much protein. I get so full fast. Lately, I've been aiming at 45g but fail at that too. Then I don't want to eat just meat stuff. I don't want to drink the protein because it made me gain weight in the past because I was still eating then drinking it as a shake. hahaha!!! geez. When they say meal replacement they mean it.

Well gonna keep on trying. Each day is a new chance to be better.

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19 julio 2024

Today while I was working out I did a move where you jump from side to side while twisting a bit in the direction of your jump and I thought I feel like a donut. Then I started laughing because the old-timey commercial and sometimes movie intermission broadcast with animated singing food popped into my head singing: LET'S GO OUT TO THE KITCHEN TO HAVE OURSELVES A SNACK!!!

If that wasn't enough I imagined what kind of donut I would be and envisioned myself as a chocolate carmel cake donut with sprinkles in workout gear and I was so cute.

Sometimes I wonder if working out and pushing yourself at times makes you delirious. Hmmm. For what's it worth got me through that tough workout with a smile.

I told my husband and he laughed too.

One final side note. I wish you could just laugh your butt off. LMAO!!!!!

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18 julio 2024

Today was a very beautiful and windy day. I had to visit the doctor again to get my perscription and continue my birth control in the form of a depo shot. I got on the scale again and I'm now 314. I don't know how I lost 3 pounds in two days but I'm concerned now. I've been exercising and trying to manage my food intake and 9 pounds after 3 months is not concerning at all but during that time this round I experienced heavy time of month with blood clots. I spoke to the doctor informing them I have fibroid tumors that developed while I was pregnant and she suggested I get an ultra sound so we can rule out if the cause is from them. So I have a couple of things to do to get well again. Get an old root canal extracted and find out about those fibroids. I also have to start getting a mamogram. I might wait till I'm 45 tho. If I do it now I won't have to for 3 years.

After the visit, my family and I went for a walk on Chicago Lake Front. We had to walk over a huge blue and white bridge that crosses 4 train tracks and a two-way highway that each side has four lanes. The water was so gorgeous today, the air was so fresh and the clouds that kept rolling by were so fun seeing shapes. Some helicoptors and airplanes flew by. Huge schools of fish were swimming along. Flocks of birds were diving into the water trying to get their catch of the day or just gliding on the breeze. The waves were crashing on the rocks as well. We sat down and had a light snack of gummies and pretzels.

There is a very cool musical themed playgroud there that had voice amplifiers, xylophones and drums. We then got on the swings, climbed the rope ladder and went into the spider web ladder maze. My son hit the slides for awhile. I filmed it beause I have always wanted to cross over the bridge and we got to do it today. I hope to go on a park tour all over the city. I looked the opposite way from the DOwntown skyline and discovered there is a whole side of Chicago I have never seen before. Maybe one day I will get to check it out.

The awesome NSV for me is one again I wasn't winded and didn't have to stop to catch my breath. I hope to continue to grow in strength and endurane.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have continued success in finding your best personal health balance. CIAO BELLISSIMO!!!

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17 julio 2024

Today I was getting dressed and looked in the mirror and noticed my upper lower back. It had shape and definition. I was surprised and asked my hubs has this always been there. LOL!!! He said yes, but now you can see it. He said remember you used to have 6 rolls and now they have gone away. I used to lean on them. We laughed about that memory. I laughed more because my mother used to hang and lean on that area too. So did my young nieces and nephews. They used to call me their favorite fluffy. I thought that was so cute because the plushies they loved were unicorns in purple, pink, and black so I imagined I was a unicorn too, and felt loved. I called that area my shelf because it popped out above my butt and back. I had 2 rolls left there and now it's 1.

From this experience today I remembered a moment I self-sabotaged myself because I was afraid of losing the love of those around me. Over the years I learned that it is truly fortunate to have a family and friends that truly support you and are not afraid to tell you when to stop if you can get hurt. Sometimes it is the family you create after the family you are born into that loves and support you the best. Different times throught out my weight-loss journey,friends and family asked me to stop losing weight. Not because I was at a healthy weight but found out they had jealousy issues. It hurt real bad to have to cut them lose for my mental health. I asked myself is it really love if someone wants you to stop doing what makes you happy that is not a destructive behavior and it's only to make themselves feel better. To this I say no.

I'm happy to be free of self-sabotage because there was a time where I saw myself improving and became scared of the possibilities that would open for me so I binge ate. Another time I got depressed because people I knew from the past that had no interest in me suddenly pursued because I was smaller. That hurt and I dealt with it by gaining again. Ultimately I realized that it's best to workout and eat well just for my health and nothing else. Sure, I have goals but mostly, I'm so grateful to be able to move well and get up and go when I want to. It has nothing to do with wanting to look a certain way or be a certain size ( those are not bad goals to have , I'm just saying those goals are not my obsessive purpose anymore like it used to be, then I would spiral into emotional and binge eating when it did not happen.)

So to anyone who read this, thankyou and know if you struggle with self-sabotage practicing self love and care will help you stop. Sometimes you have to let go of toxic relationships and environments to grow.

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