Diario de itsfuntofantasize, 09 may. 17

You are worth more than that. Tomorrow is a new day, we all fall down, don't give up. I'm sure you have so many wonderful qualities, focus on those! 

Thank you, @Mistybenner! I appreciate your concern...To be honest, this has been a long time coming. I have loathed myself since the very beginning. I have been detrimental to those around me, and society as a whole. It is not for selfish reasons that I am choosing to end my life. It is for the benefit of the world. I like to fancy myself a hero, sometimes. Choosing to sacrifice my life for the greater good. In reality, I am just ending my miserable existence. It's as simple as that. I have often wondered if there is a God. I consider myself to be agnostic. I'm not really sure if I want there to be one; I fear consciousness just as much as I fear the void. I guess that, in the end, I won't have a choice. 

I'm atheist, so what matters IMO is the now. You got hungry, or bored or stressed about something and so you ate. It has happened to every member here, and we all curse ourselves. And then we get back on the horse. The weight loss does not happen overnight, and we all feel impatient. But it WILL happen if you persevere. Walk it out- burn calories and get out of the house, where the kitchen holds too many temptations. Then journal again. 

God is real and he loves you more than you know. I'll be praying for you. I hope that you can see that your life has value and I'm certain those around you think so too. Stay strong. 

Hiya I live in Australia... don't know where you are. I tried to kill myself when I was 17. I'm an old lady now and am glad to say life got a lot better and I'm glad I did not succeed. I was unable to help my nephew when he got depressed... I did help him for a long time but was not there when he needed me. Please go and get help. I care about you as someone with your life ahead who hasn't discovered how much better it can get: it is tough at your age. Everything to cope with before you have the experience to cope with it. Call a life line or make an appointment to go see a counsellor. Things look terrible from the inside but with a bit of help it is possible to start connecting with the upside of things. You are not heavy - it is a natural part of growing to carry some extra weight at your age before growing has finished. So weight is not the issue. It is the way you are seeing yourself. I do hope you are OK. Where abouts do you live? Would it help to exchange messages with this end of the world? Jo 

Please don't feel like "being fat" means you are better off dead to avoid the struggle. You can do this. It takes some perseverance and a lot of falling off the wagon but the objective is to get back on. One mistake in a diet isn't a death sentence for your diet or for you for that matter. Start small.. create goals. The weight did not come on overnight and while we all wish it would.. it isn't going to come off that way either. My mistake was one bad choice led to another.. then another out of guilt. However recognizing that you ate more than you wanted or something you feel you shouldn't have is just more reason to offset it with something good. Take a walk.. drink an extra glass of water.. We are here for you my friend and are all struggling in our own ways. Keep up the good work and keep your head up. Best wishes. 

Hi, you don't know me. I just happened to download this app about ten minutes ago, and yours is the first post that I saw. I looked at your stats ( i hope don't mind) and I was shocked to see that you are 138 pounds! What I wouldn't give... today is my birthday. I turned 47 today and I weigh 509 pounds. I have been gaining and losing weight since I was in kindergarten at 105 pounds. It is never too late. You can always improve. It sounds to me, like you need to be easier on yourself. You are not your weight. You are so much more than a number on a scale or a size of clothing. Losing weight is hard. Especially when you beat yourself up daily. Look at your accomplishments and not at your screw ups. How can you expect good things to come to you if you don't believe that you are worth having them? I used to loathe myself. I was teased and ridiculed daily, and I had convinced myself that I deserved it. You get exactly what you think you deserve. I don't know your story. I don't know what things are happening in your life, but life is a gift. So much to be appreciative of. So much to love about this life. Find things that you love to do, and get happy and the weight comes off. I'm not just spouting off here. I am actually practicing what I preach, and I've lost 18 pounds in the past two weeks. I hope you reconsider your decision to kill yourself. And I hope you can find a way to look at yourself through less judgmental eyes. I'm rooting for you😘 

A bit more... Here is one other thing I find helpful when I'm down: go for a walk and find one simple thing you can do for someone or an animal. It can be as small as you like. It makes you feel better to think that you can do something for things around you. I feel for you. A dark place is different for each of us but I have been in my own dark place and it is not an easy place to climb out of. And find help. Go to more than one person if that's what it takes: not everyone 'gets it'. I tried to call for help and got a non-response. Try at least 3 people. I hope this helps. Big hug. Jo  

Acually you could do one thing for me... answer if you read this!!! 

Hi, Itsfuntofantasize. I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so. People say, "Oh, to be 15 again," but in reality, most of us don't want to go back and go through the struggles of our teenage years again. And that's the thing--if you can allow yourself to get through those years, you do get through them. There is so much more to experience in life! So many things to learn and see and do. Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, if you're in the United States. If you're elsewhere, please call someone to talk to where you are. And/or talk to a teacher, guidance counselor, or trusted adult in your personal life. Perhaps the director of the play you are in? I will try to PM you my number if you'd like to talk to me, but, since you're a minor, I'm not sure I'll be able to get a message through to you here. I work with students close to your age all of the time. I tell a lot of them that they're going to love college, after they get through all of the pressures of high school. That must seem very far away and impossible to you now, but college can open up a world of possibilities to you that you can't even see now. You have so much ahead of you! Perhaps a great passion for a career, maybe the true love of your life, certainly new friends and the family you create for yourself in the future. But you are hurting terribly in the here and now. I understand that. I have had my own deep pains in life, when I just wanted the pain to stop. Please reach out to someone who can help you talk things through and figure out what your other options are. Sometimes medication can help you to get through the rough patches in life, while you're working through the stuff you have to work through to be happy with yourself and your life. We all want the best for you. Sending all my support your way. You are special, and you matter.  

Do you really want to kill your self? 

Do you have immediate family? Wife, husband, children?