Diario de phsmalls, 12 dic. 11

Last year it happened around this time, and it is happening again this year. I lose all my damn determination. I swore this year would be different - its not.

I am pretty sure I know why it happens, and its not just the holidays, my birthday is this month, my best guy friends birthday is a week later, and then comes Christmas and a week later new years and my nieces birthday and the anniversary of my friends death.

I know these are excuses and crap ones at that. there is no reason I cannot stay on track - this year is better because I work in my own office in the middle of a gross dirty shop so there are no chocolates or goodies or any of the above sitting on my desk in front of me. There are also no people bringing me things, and when they do its coffee - BLACK coffee which is compeltely acceptable so I never say anything.

Now I am not going to beat myself up over it, thats counter productive. Instead I have decided I will just do my best, and I will also make myself challenge myself, not with movement on the scale, or calories eaten, or work outs (hell this month my work outs have included, washing walls, climbing ladders, scrubbing floors and moving boxes.) No instead I am going to challenge myself to over come my mental obsticals - all of which I am sure are holding me back. They hold me back in everyday life and they are not fun.

I may be posting completely random things BUT they are things I want to accomplish between now and January 3rd, at which time I will re-evaluate the things I am doing. I am hoping that the mental break will keep my mind off of the weight issue and will help me build my confidence back up to where it should be, and maybe then my weight will drop off, I have a feeling that I am just trying to hard (which sounds silly but I cant think of a nother way to explain it.) I just know I am tired of being fat... so tired that I am ready to resort to cutting an arm and/or a leg off - not really.