|
Here is my dilemma ... do I tell people what they WANT to hear? or what I think is what they NEED to hear?
Sometimes we all need an encourager in our lives. And I can do that, blindfolded and w/ my hands tied behind my back. (I could even type w/ my nose if I had to.)
And sometimes, we need a straight shooter! Someone who will pull no punches and basically tell us where the dog died, if that's what it is going to take to get us up over the hump!
But more often than not... we need both. Tempered with a lot of empathy and compassion, kindness and thoughtfulness.
And some days, I ask myself... who am I to speak into this person's life? To give unsolicited advice, as if I know all the answers. I DON'T! Let me make that perfectly clear.
But if something I say or write, ever provokes you to go look up information, read, and evaluate choices for yourself... then FANTASTIC! Because then, you are on your road to the place I call Maintenance Land!
It takes a willingness to put yourself out there sometimes... But others reached out to me, others invested in me ... and it's because of that time, and effort, and support and encouragement, that I am where I am today.
So, if I am ever too strong, too harsh, too easy, too ... anything... please forgive me. I am not doing it, or saying it, because of anything more than the desire I have to see you SUCCEED! I am only trying to help.
If anything I ever say is not a help... then just delete it! No harm, no foul, and I will not at all be offended. Ok? ... Ok, glad we cleared that up.
Have a wonderful day... and make it a personal goal to reach out to others and try to help them today! Remember, we are all in this together!!! Much Love.
|
1 a 20 de 27
 Comentarios
Don't know about anyone else, but I need the brutal truth. Especially if I have asked for advise or appear to be whining in my entries. One reason I just love An00bis's posts. No sugar coating there.
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: mammasix
|
Oh dear Paula...Did you by chance encounter some major drama lately that prompted this entry? I love your entries, always encouraging and insightful and thought provoking! I guess my thought is that if you don't want to hear some sage advice from the folks who have walked down this path to success, then you really shouldn't be here. There are plenty of other sites where you can keep your own personal journal and get NO feedback from anyone, but what is the point. I have tried those and found them to be -0- useful. I love all the feedback from you and others. I want the straight shot, sometimes I already know what it is but hearing it from my buddies who care about wanting me to succeed is just the boost I need sometimes. Please do not stop the good work you are doing here!!! or feel you ever need to temper it!!!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: HealthyBabs
|
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your entries -- and advice. I totally agree, that is why we're on here. And, you are right, advice is there to be taken, or it can be ignored/deleted whatever.
You have a great outlook and a great spirit of helpfulness!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: HeidiG
|
Sometimes the truth hurts. Given time, I think most people do come to realise that something they were told that hurt was in fact the truth and they need to deal with it. I've heard that if you couch the unpleasant truth between two or three pleasant truths, then it makes it easier to swallow. I find this sometimes to be hard to follow. And in the end it's up to the individual to decide what they will hear and do. No one can ever know everything that another is thinking, feeling or be motivated by. You just have to do the best you can.
You are a good person, keep doing what you're doing with the best of intentions.
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: Wazzy
|
Thanks Ladies! And no, it wasn't on here... but in my personal life. I was told I can be a little 'strong'! I told them it was done in 'love' but they didn't seem to think so. (I don't have a complex or anything, and don't have some need to always be right) But I do have a big heart, and usually just let the truth speak for itself. Some folks don't like that. Basically, it was someone who over the last 2 1/2 years has watched me transform my life. And all the while talked about how they were going to do the same. Only thing is... they haven't. I merely pointed out the obvious. They apparently are not ready to be fully committed to this kind of change in their life. But when they are, I would be happy to try to help them. They got offended. :( Which in turn made me think about whether I should have said anything at all. But the thing is... I love this person. And I want them to succeed. But I just can't smile and say 'you're doing great' when in fact they are not doing anything at all. So glad I have this place to get this stuff out of me ;) Much Love.
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: jsfantome
|
I LOVE reading your journal posts and your responses to others. Sometimes we need to hear the 'truth'. I will be the first to admit though, sometimes its hard to be on the receiving end of said 'truth'. I think when it's done with genuine caring it makes all the difference. You give great advice and encouragement and have the best insight on many topics. Your friend prob got her feelers hurt because she knows you're right and sometimes that is a hard thing to admit. I love what you write because you can tell you really CARE. So please don't stop being you. =)
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: HerStrawberri
|
I've enjoyed your journal entries and your comments. I've personally had to learn how to use a little more tact but sometimes that just makes me stammer and flub up what I'm trying to say...blunt works for me. I prefer to hear bluntness. My sister always gives it to me straight. There have been times that I do NOT wanna hear what she has to say but I know she loves me and she's not gonna BS me. In turn I've become that friend that sometimes gets the questions that I really don't want to answer (ie: do these shorts make me look fat; is this too tight; whatcha think of my d-bag boyfriend...lol) There is sometimes a look of pain on my face and they know right then that they're not gonna like what I have to say and I know that too. They always get the truth though. I think its wonderful that you're so straight forward & honest. Most people, even if intially hurt by the truth, can respect it in the long run opposed to being "lied" to. Have a great day!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: NoChubbyMom
|
Thanks ladies! You guys 'get me'... and it's so great when people 'get you'!!! Off and running... Mom's Blood work, hair appt, both of us getting a mani/pedi today ;) Yeah!!! Ever try to cut someone's toe nails. Not fun! I think I am more excited she is getting hers done than about me getting mine. But considering vacation is just around the corner... I am excited for me too! Now, what color do I want?
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: jsfantome
|
Paula you have wonderful advice and if the other person gets mad its beacuse they are frustrated that they can't get to where you are..(jealous) comes to mind. Your a terrific person and you just keep up
with what your doing.. Like you said it they don't like what you have
said then the DELETE button is right there on the computer for their use..Have a great day girl.....Bren
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: BHA
|
Personally, I would rather have someone tell it like it is. I like how you can be straight forward and just say it like it is. Honestly if it is out in a public forum (posted on line ) and you can read it you are entitled to your opinion. YOU have helped me learn so much because you just say it the way I need to hear it. Telling me what I want to here is how my ass got this big in the first place!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: pixidaisy
|
My opionion is that you always speak from your heart. I have enjoyed your journals & your comments, & taken a lot of it to heart myself. I have never run accross anything you said that could be considered rude or inconsiderate. Your willingness to share your experiences with us, on the level that you do is very special thing, not everyone can do that as well or as often as you do, & is what makes you so special to all of us. Personally I prefer the direct approach; tell it like it is. Sometimes I worry that what I said could be considered rude or inconsiderate, I hope not, since I don't mean it that way. Sometimes, it isn't what is said, but how it is said that can make all the difference to a person. I think that since this is a public forum & it's users have the choice to keep their journals private, so if they don't they are inviting comments, if they don't like it then, Bren is right, that delete button works for everyone. Stay true to you, & please keep being just the way you are! I am wondering what color you picked for your vacation toes!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: gg-girl
|
people have been telling me what they think i want to hear for far too long and look where it got me - overweight, crappy marriage, unfulfilling job... i WANT someone to tell me what i NEED to hear and i appreciate it when you do :)
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: sophie99
|
My motto is "say it as it is with as much love as possible". I have always said what I thought and I can say many people don't like it. My one boss wrote in my reference letter that I was "painfully honest" and this was when I was in my twenties, I have managed to learn when is best to bite my tongue, but do still have slip ups :) Maybe I should add a disclaimer to my comments lol! If what I say is not to your liking, or offends, or makes you cross because it's true but you don't want to believe it, please ignore :)
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: triaby
|
T - that's funny! I may have to borrow that disclaimer :)
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: sophie99
|
Grateful I am not alone :) - And Gigi, I am thinking of a florescent green! Seriously. I see it on other people and love it! Waaaay to chicken to jump out there and do it for myself... but I think I am going to just go for it! Will try to take a pic when I'm done and post it here... and you guys can be brutally honest w/ me! Hey, there's always polish remover! LOL!!!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: jsfantome
|
Paula,
What color are most of your vacation outfits? if you wear a good bit of green, go for it! I like the color. But if you don't, maybe you would feel better with a different color. My favorite Spring Summer color is Cha Ching Cherry by OPI. It goes with pinks and reds and everything else. Bright orange is great on some people but not me. My skin is too pink and I never wear orange except to football games :) I actually like the blue colors.
I also like the truth. You always temper it with caring. However, I think sometimes, when we are face to face, we want to hear less truth. it wasier to hear a person tell you that your food diary is heavy on the carbs when you are in this impersonal environment. I should not say impersonal because I consider you and some others true friends but the forum is impersonal. you can go back and re-read what was said several times in order to get the non-emotional reading rather than the first emotional response. That said, you can do no better thing than tell a person the truth as you see it. If your friend took it as an emotional affront to her sense of self, then OK. That is why they have the saying 'truth hurts'. If she plays the words over and over in her head, she will find the real meening behind your comments and get over it.
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: esimnons
|
Paula....GREEN???!!! Just be sure it doesn't look like fungal green! LOL!
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: Sandy701
|
Went with a bright/light florescent green! Trying to get a picture on here... we'll see. I actually really like it! It's soooo not my normal! But I'm about to turn 48 ladies... and who needs to be normal? I have seen it on other people and thought "Wow! that looks pretty!" so I decided to go for it! My husband hasn't seen it yet??? that could be the real test! If he doesn't make a face that cringes, I'm ok! Much Love.
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: jsfantome
|
you and i are in the same boat. I turn over the 8 tomorrow. YUCK! I like the bright greens. At one point, I had several bringt green things including shorts and a mini skirt :) I had my toes done green very often back then. I think you will love it. it is your vacation after all - not permanent artwork :) Your hubby may take a nit to get used to it. I tried a brownish grey back in the winter time and my husband never got used to it. he likes the reds and pinks I am afraid.... That is what he is used to from me but sometimes, I need to shake it up a bit :) Spice is a good thing
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: esimnons
|
Paula, if anyone can relate to your post, it's me. ;) As hard as I try to word things carefully but still get my point across, I can't control the filter the reader is looking through when they read it. I feel very strongly that honest advice is the best advice, & I have the greatest respect for those who have cared enough about me to tell me the things I most needed to hear but were most difficult to say. At the time it stings, no doubt about it, but when I take the time to evaluate where it is coming from, i.e. a place of genuine caring & concern, that passes quickly. Your feedback has benefitted so many on this site & will continue to do so. There's no way either of us can predict how our comments will be received, but I'm sure you receive enough positive feedback to know that you are a valued member of this community. So stop apologizing & keep doin your thing, woman. ;)
29 jun. 11 por el miembro: kstubblefield
|
| |
|
|
| |
Enviar un Comentario
Debes iniciar sesión para enviar un comentario. Has clic Aquí para iniciar sesión
|
|
|
Peso Histórico de jsfantome
|