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I'm so upset. I'm at my boyfriend's gym now. He's a personal trainer btw. He's training and I'm chatting with his colleagues as I type this. I'm complaining that my weight isn't dropping and I really really wanna weigh 48kg. I know that weight is just numbers. But it'll be nice to be able to say 'hey I weigh 48'.
The trainers said that they don't think it's realistic for me to want to be so light unless I wanna lose my muscles. The nicest thing was they complimented me on how ribbed my abs look now. The shitty thing is when I look in the mirror sometimes, I see the fat kid that I was looking back at me.
The feeling sucks. Compliments only last for that moment. And then I'm back to feeling fat again. It's so stupid. Yesterday I had the urge to binge and purge my food. But I didn't. I don't want to give in to my old bulimic ways. I went out and smoked like mad instead, which isn't something to be proud of as well. I want to quit smoking. I know that I'll be a better runner if I did.
Gosh. I'm the most imperfect person I know. :( yucks. I hate myself when i feel like this.
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1754 kcal
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Grasa: 30,26g | Prot: 167,35g | Carbh: 187,43g.
Desayuno: almond, whey protein, fruit and nut muesli, rolled oats, skim milk. Almuerzo: rolled oats, chicken breast fillet, brown rice. Cena: whey protein, dragon fruit. Pasa Bocas / Otros: Low Fat Cottage Cheese, watermelon, Papaya, 100% Whey Protein Powder. más...
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2369 kcal
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Ejercicio:
Permanecer de Pie - 1 hora, Sentado - 4 horas, Outdoor All Terrain Jog- Average HR 148 - 1 hora y 45 minutos, Conduciendo - 1 hora, Compras - 3 horas, Durmiendo - 8 horas, Descansando - 4 horas y 30 minutos, Entrenamiento con Pesas (Moderado) - 45 minutos. más...
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