Diario de desifink, 02 jul. 10

Desi, I completely understand your grief. When my 4 1/2 year old daughter died in 1988, I was devastated, even though we knew it was going to happen and had been expecing it for 4 1/2 years. I thought I would never stop crying or smile again. After a bit(the bit being about a year), it did start to get better, and I found myself living again, and then, BOOM, out of the clear blue, the grief and pain would hit me like a ton of bricks. I would cry and cry and cry for days on end. These spells have gotten fewer and fewer through the years, and I can now look back, look at a picture, and think of her most of the time without crying. But there are still days that I cry for her, miss her like crazy, and wish I could hold her just one more time. That will never go away, and truth be told, I don't think I want it to. She was a part of my life, and I love her dearly. To never again grieve for her and for my loss, to never again shed a tear for what could have been, feels like it would somehow diminish the impact she had on this world, and that is something I never want to happen. That being said though, I also know that if she were here she wouldn't want me to grieve endlessly. She would want me to be happy and healthy, and to live my life and remember her with love and joy, not sadness and pain. I am sure your dad would tell you the same. It is so hard not to miss those that have gone before, but rest assured, they are there, they are watching over us, and they are waiting for the time when we will be reunited. That day will come when our work on this planet is done. In the meantime, live, laugh, and love, the way your dad would want you to. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. My dad was 80, and had fought a long battle with cancer - he was strong in his faith and ready to go. I had a long time to prepare and thought I was ready to let him go...I guess though it's something you can never be truly prepared for. Your words are very comforting to me and helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks again. :) 

Desi, I am so sorry that this has been so hard for you. The truth is that we are never really ready to see our loved ones leave us. My father-in-law died from lung cancer, but had suffered many years with other serious problems including the loss of one of his legs and heart trouble, and when he found that he had a very aggressive type of lung cancer he opted not to have any treatment. He was diagnosed on my birthday, April 7th, and he passed the 9th of May. We truly had little time to prepare. I found that it doesn't matter how much time we have to ready ourselves, the loss is the same and the grief feels no different, it is still the equivalent of a knife to the heart. 4 1/2 years or 4 weeks, when the time comes and the loss occurs, the pain is the same and a very viseral thing. We all have different rates at which we heal from these wounds. You will get better, and one day soon the wound won't be as raw. In the meantime be kind ot yourself, remember your dad with all the love in your heart, and know that this too shall pass. He is watching you with all the love and pride that he had for you while here, and now it is without any illness or pain! God Bless you, Desi, and I am praying for your heart to heal! And don't be too hard on yourself for straying from your weight loss path. These things (life) happen, but it is time to get back on track! If you need me, I am right here! 

Desi - My oldest brother died from suicide several years ago and it was extremely difficult to handle the grief, confusion and guilt that such a death causes. I still have times when those feelings overwhelm me. One night I dreamed I met his soul and he was full of love and peace and he told me he wanted me to know he loved me, he was at peace and he didn't want me to suffer anymore. When I awoke I really had the feeling that his soul had touched me and it was a great comfort. Not many years after he passed I lost my mother and then my father. My mother's passing was relatively quick, my father lingered but having more time to say goodbye did not make it any easier. There was abuse in my family and the feelings I had about it made my grieving much more complicated. I am working hard on forgiveness so I can finish grieving w/love and compassion for my parents (my brother was also one of my abusers). I am so sorry you are going through so much pain and sadness. It will get better over time. I am a good listener if you just want someone to talk to about your Dad. I have just recently had a big slip with my food when I went out of town to San Antonio so I know what that is like and I am right back on track with Atkins now and losing well. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. Love, Andrea